Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
