Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
