There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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