idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
