i just google imaged poop.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
