I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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