Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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