In the future we'll all be gay
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
