I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
