No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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