i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
