I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
