He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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