somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
