So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
