That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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