My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
