i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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