operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
