he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Someone came in the potted fern
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
