He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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