good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
