is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
