In the future we'll all be gay
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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