mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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