Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
