She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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