I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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