He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
