i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
