What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
