We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
