Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
