Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
