He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
