drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
