i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
