oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
