I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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