I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I just sharted jello shots
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
