Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
