So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
