Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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