Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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