i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
