the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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