I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
