god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize