I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
