I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
