I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
