She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
