First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
