I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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