Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
