I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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