Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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