trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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