I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm both gender and math confused
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
