Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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