i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
