Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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