Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
