At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize