Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
3 2 1 whiskey
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
