when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
