Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize
