i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
