Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
