You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
