look no pants
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
