you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize